We've all been there.
You're taking another heavenly bite when the incredibly-full feeling starts to sink in... Your clothes feel tight. Your stomach feels heavy. You start to sit back. You squirm, cross your hands over your torso, arch, suck in.
You're starting to take in your body, your feelings, your obvious lack of hunger...
And then your mind starts to race. Not in an exciting, jumpy, happy way, either. You're thinking of calories, mentally adding, you're remembering just how many spoonfuls of ice cream you put in your mouth, how many cookies... exactly how many chunks of brownie did you cut off?
You think to yourself that this is going to ruin you. Your body, your habits, your new plan. All it took was a matter of minutes.
There is no happiness. No excitement. Absolutely no pride. No relief. No contentment.
You sit in shame, guilt, anxiety, and frustration.
Why did I have to eat all those cookies? Who brought the chips anyway? Did my sister really need to bake another batch of cookies? Why can't I control myself? I was doing so well until this! Why did they have to have cake? I should've just said no. What was I thinking when I ordered this? You have no self-control. You're fat. This is why you don't have the ideal body! What is your problem? Why can't you just eat?
If you're anything like me, eating can be hard. Everyone has their obstacles, their weaknesses.. mine is food. It brings up good emotions, bad emotions, difficult emotions.
But it's not going away.
There will be birthday cake, there will be ice cream runs, and there will be indulgent dinners. There will also be moments of weakness, where I eat one too many cookies, where I put my hunger signals on the back burner - that is, until they come up again like a slap in the face.
I wish there weren't days like this. Don't we all?
But I'm Abby, and it is what it is.
Fortunately, food teaches me a lot about myself. I learn that I'm anxious, I like to mentally beat myself up, and that Reese's peanut butter cups will always hold a special place in my heart.
I have learned to take care of myself during times where all I want to do is cry to whoever I can safely confide. I've learned a few things that make the harsh voice a little softer, and the happy-"it's going to be okay"-voice a little stronger.
I've learned that the best thing is to walk away and do something else.
As Geneen Roth says in her book When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a Chair, you will be happiest if you just distract yourself, and eat the very next time you are hungry. You may want to hate on your body, critiquing and analyzing.. But what your body needs is for you to honor it. Honor it's beauty, it's ability, and most importantly, the messages that it sends to you.
That heavy feeling in the pit of your gut? Yep, that's it telling you to walk away from the kitchen. Chocolate will be there tomorrow.. :)
And when hours pass and your body is ready for more fuel, honor it. Listen to what it wants. (And just a suggestion, more cookies probably isn't the answer).
I've learned to look for things that will soothe. Pandora radio can be instantly relaxing- sometimes your favorite song and some quality time with your laptop will just do the trick. Yoga or stretching can be oh-so rejuvenating; focusing on your breath and the strength in your quads quiets the harsh feelings that come with your full tummy. Don't forget to give yourself a hug. I'm serious.
I've learned that sometimes you need to pound it out. Not to take away the extra calories, not to "make up for it", but to save your sanity. Episodes like these can be frustrating, and we all know that running/exercise is a great way to release some negative energy and anger. Take care of yourself, and if a good pounding is what you need, do it in the kindest way possible for you.
I've learned that it's best not to over-analyze. I'm happiest when I just let it be what it is. Sure, it sucked, I want to worry about it.. But I don't need to make lists, plans, resolutions... I know that it takes lots of extra food to gain lots of extra weight. There's no need to count up all the calories, the servings. It's done, and I'm happier if I relax my mind, take care of my heart and remember that it happens.
Some other things I recommend:
-Listen to Daylight by Olu (You Tube)
-Watch an interview with Geneen Roth - I always feel so refreshed and excited to take care of myself
-Look at the Humor board on Pinterest.
-Do not look at the Fitness board on Pinterest. Just no. Not the time haha. -I also would not recommend going online swimsuit shopping on Victoria's Secret.
-Read these great Quotes From Jennifer Lawrence - Ahhh.. a successful celebrity we can actually relate to! #16 may just be what you need...:)
-Jump on over to Sunnie's blog - this girl will make you crave weird green juice things like none other ;)
Would I love for every day of my life to be peaceful, balanced, and content? Oh my gosh, yes. But this is my current obstacle. We live and we learn. (I learn best with a full belly apparently.) ;)
Thanks for sticking with me as I let all of that out.. :) Have a fantastic Thursday everyone!
Also: If I've been nonexistent lately in the blogging world, I'm sorry! I have been crazy busy lately, but I can't wait to catch up on all of your wonderful lives when I get the chance :)
Think about it: "I hope in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work, or family, or life. And whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do It. Make your mistakes, next year and forever." -Neil Gaiman